My Emo Zombie Cake ~ Part 2

Part 2: My Emo Zombie Cake
In which a movie and a cake get made, and everyone celebrates. 

"Not Even Death"

Recently, my 15-year-old daughter and a friend made a music video. It is awesomely awesome. It's wicked good. Consider this: they managed to direct their friends in a video that shot over a period of several weeks, without in-fighting, creative disputes, or other notable drama. And they did it on a budget that wouldn't have bought a decent shoestring.

The video features zombies and realistic-looking blood made from a secret recipe that includes chocolate syrup and red food color. On warm days when the sun is shining, my front door still smells delicious. (You'll have to watch the video to understand why.)

The girls released their video on Halloween. We had a party; I made a cake. My design, as you can see below, is a tableau of a zombified Romeo and Juliet reaching for each other from their graves. "Till death do us part?" Not them. So emo.

Since this was my first cake involving figures and fancy stuff, and I was going mainly went on instinct and je ne sais quoi, I don't have a terrific step-by-step to show you. Next time, I'll aim for that. (Confession #2: I kept this cake a secret from the kids and baked cookies just in case it didn't turn out.)

 For the "dirt" the arms are pushing up out of the graves, I used crushed cocoa-hazelnut dragees that I had made for something else.

I used marzipan for the figures. I modeled the arms and the sleeves separately. To color the "fabric," I kneaded gel food color into the marzipan.

The gravestones and title plaque are white chocolate tinted gray with black gel food color. The writing is piped bittersweet chocolate.

So far, this cake-decorating thing gets a thumbs-up from me. With no real pressure, the process was all about having fun with a playful design. I'm happy to report that the cake was a hit. It tasted good and looked reasonably like what I'd pictured in my mind's eye ~ main criteria I measured my success by. And everyone got what it was supposed to be.

I'm looking forward to getting my cake on again.

My Emo Zombie Cake ~ Part 1

Part 1: In which I begin to conquer my fear of cake decorating.... 

A Confession

Cake making intimidates me.

Not cake making, exactly. Cake batters and fillings are a walk in the park. I have no fear of buttercream. (Remind me to tell you about the time when I was making a 10-pound batch of Italian meringue buttercream and added the butter to the hot meringue too soon. Long story short . . . it turned out just fine.) So what's the problem then? 

It's frou-frou that gives me the sweats. The necessary perfectness of smooth surfaces, the decorating in painstaking detail and making of figures that are recognizable to people who are not you. There is an incredibly weighty responsibility attached to making a cake that has the sole power to make or break someone's entire marriage celebration. (Well, not really, but you'd think so, given the pressure involved.)

Lately, I've started to feel a little embarrassed about this. What kind of pastry chef avoids cake decorating? And do I want to be that kind? Ick. Maybe I'll never be the Frank Lloyd Wright of cake architecture, but so what? There's only one Frank Lloyd Wright and that didn't stop other people from designing buildings. I can decorate a cake if I decide I want to. And lately, I've decided that I want to. It's only cake, not brain surgery.

So I'm building my stock of decorating tips and gel food colors. I've picked up a few good books on technique. And I've decided to make cakes for every conceivable occasion between now and whenever I master the art of cake decorating. Practice makes perfect, right?

Stay tuned for Part 2, in which you'll meet my first cake featuring modeled figures: my emo zombie cake, "Not Even Death" . . . .

Raspberry White Chocolate Muffins

Some muffins are great because they're fast and fuss-free. You dump all the ingredients into one bowl, sling the pan in the oven, and before you can say "way better than a heavily processed toaster pastry," you're tossing hot buttered muffins to your kids as they're running out the door to catch the school bus. But these are not those muffins.

We like other muffins because they incorporate leaves and twigs and similar healthful ingredients intended to meet our nutritional needs and enable us to feel virtuous about scarfing muffins instead of less appealing fiber sources. But these are not those muffins either.

These muffins are the kind you bring out on your best tea-party china and serve on occasions that merit your breakfast A-game. In-laws coming for brunch for the first time? Yeah. Your mom/daughter/sister having a special birthday? Definitely. Someone order a romantic anniversary breakfast in bed? Oh, yes. These are those muffins.

Ruby red raspberries, mellow white chocolate, a hint of almond, and a buttery streusel crumb make these totally top-shelf. If you want to get bakery-fancy, give these a dusting of confectioner's sugar when they're completely cooled.

Raspberry White Chocolate Streusel Muffins

4 oz (1 stick) butter, at room temp
½ cup granulated sugar
1 large egg
½ cup sour cream or Greek-style yogurt
½ cup milk
1 1/2 teaspoons almond extract
½ teaspoon vanilla extract
2 cups all-purpose flour
½ teaspoon baking powder
½ teaspoon baking soda
¼ teaspoon salt
1 cup fresh or frozen raspberries
¼ cup white chocolate chips, roughly chopped

For streusel:
½ cup all-purpose flour
½ cup oats
3 tablespoons granulated sugar
3 tablespoons brown sugar
½ teaspoon ground cinnamon
3 oz (6 tablespoons) cold butter

Preheat oven to 375 degrees F.

For streusel:
1. Combine all ingredients in mixing bowl and use pastry blender to cut in butter till crumbly. Set aside.
For muffins:
1. Beat together butter and sugar until light and fluffy; add egg and continue beating. Combine milk, sour cream, and extracts in a small bowl. In another bowl, combine dry ingredients.
2. Add dry ingredients to butter mixture alternating with wet ingredients until just combined.
3. Gently fold in raspberries and white chocolate chips.
4. Spray 12 standard or 6 jumbo muffin cups with nonstick pan spray. Divide batter among muffin cups, top with three quarters of the streusel. Use a butter knife to swirl streusel into muffin batter, sprinkle with remaining streusel.
5. Bake muffins for 18 to 20 minutes, or until muffins are golden and a toothpick inserted in center emerges without crumbs clinging to it. Let cool in pan on rack for 10 minutes; carefully remove muffins from pan and let cool completely on rack. Store leftover muffins in refrigerator.

Oatmeal Graham Cookies

These are not your grandma's oatmeal cookies. At least not my grandma's. There's not a single raisin in sight. Not a walnut, not even a chocolate chip. This crazy little cookie is a hybrid oatmeal-graham cracker baby ~ soft, chewy, grahamy . . . Your grandma would like them, I think. You should bake her some.

These cookies are pretty good on their own, but if you want to take them right over the border into Swoontown, I highly recommend sandwiching some Cheesecake Ice Cream between a couple. You can find that recipe on my cooking blog, Eat Real. It's super easy and ~ trust me ~ these cookies and that ice cream were born to be together. (They were, literally. I made the ice cream first and then needed to come up with a cookie to sandwich it. Cheesecake, graham . . . you get it.)

Oatmeal Graham Cookies
8 ounces (2 sticks) butter, softened
3/4 cup white sugar
3/4 cup light brown sugar, packed
2 large eggs
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
2 cups rolled oats
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 1/2 cups graham cracker crumbs
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon fine sea salt
1 teaspoon cinnamon

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C). Line cookie sheets with parchment or coat lightly with butter. 
2. Beat butter, sugars, and vanilla extract together in a large bowl until creamy. Add eggs one at a time and continue beating, scraping down sides of bowl. In a separate bowl, combine flour, baking soda, salt, and cinnamon. Add to butter mixture and beat until incorporated. Stir in oats and graham cracker crumbs.
3. Use a #40 ice cream scoop or roll dough into walnut-sized balls and place on cookie sheets, about 2 inches apart. Flatten cookies with the palm of your hand or a fork.
4. Bake two sheets at a time for about 10 minutes, until cookies are golden, rotating sheets halfway through. Allow to cool for a minute or two on sheets, then transfer with a spatula to racks to cool completely.

Yield: About 2 dozen cookies

 

This model is jumbo-size. Like a good ice cream sandwich should be.

Turtle Bars

 

There are lots of recipes for these indulgent little cookie bars, which are modeled on the famous pecan-caramel-chocolate candy. I like this one in particular because it's absolutely un-fussy, doesn't rely on jarred caramel sauce, and it's always welcomed at parties and potlucks. 

If you're feeling frisky, you can substitute almonds for the pecans; replace some of the flour with an equal portion of whatever nut you're using in the topping, ground into meal (e.g., almonds and almond meal); or replace the milk chocolate with white chocolate and throw in a handful of dried cranberries or cherries when you add the chocolate. Keep this recipe on hand for those "can you make something for me to bring to school/work/a friend's tomorrow" occasions. It's a solid go-to.

Turtle Bars
Makes 4 dozen

• 4 ounces (1 stick) unsalted butter
• 1 cup firmly packed light brown sugar
• 2 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 1/2 cups pecan halves, broken
• 5.5 ounces unsalted butter
• 1/2 cup firmly packed light brown sugar
• 1/4 teaspoon kosher salt
• 11/4 cups milk chocolate chips (or milk and semisweet mixed)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Line a 9x13-inch baking dish with aluminum foil and spray with nonstick pan spray; set aside.

 

Combine the 4 ounces butter, 1 cup brown sugar, and flour in a large mixing bowl. Using a pastry blender, mix until the texture resembles fine crumbs. Transfer crumbs to baking dish and press mixture firmly into pan in an even layer. Sprinkle the broken pecan halves even overtop and set aside.

 

In a 2-quart saucepan, combine 5.5 ounces butter, 1/2 cup brown sugar, and salt over medium heat. Cook until butter melts, stirring until sugar dissolves. Bring to boil and allow to boil for 1 minute, stirring frequently. Pour caramel over cookie base, distributing evenly over pecans.

Bake the cookie base for 18 to 20 minutes. Remove from oven and sprinkle chocolate chips evenly overtop. Return cookie base to oven for 1 to 2 minutes, or until surface is evenly bubbly and chocolate is glossy. Remove pan to rack and let cool completely.

Carefully lift foil sling out of pan and onto cutting board. Fold foil edges down flat and use a long knife to cut cookie slab into small bars. Store in an air-tight container in the refrigerator or freeze for longer storage.

 

Herbed Almond Crackers ~ Grain-free, Gluten-free, and Paleo!

Let me get right to the point. This cracker . . . this gluten-free, grain-free, delicious, wonderful, well-keeping, amazing cracker is my latest favorite thing to come out of my oven. I'm not kidding. And I'll be honest with you, I wasn't sure where we were headed at first.

Personally speaking, I'm not on a gluten-free, grain-free, or vegan path. But as a runner in mid-training cycle, I do try to make my carbs count. And I'm always on the lookout for good sources of protein so I don't have to pretend I like snacking on water-packed tuna. That's right, I snack. I like snacks; snacks make me happy. Bad snacks, ugly snacks, snacks engineered by robots make me less happy.

These crackers, therefore, absolutely send me. Why? First of all, they're so good I have to hide them from myself. Actually, not really, but I do have to ration them or I'll eat them all (it's not a huge batch, but still). Second, they're easy to make. No, seriously, they are. Third, they're good for you: nuts, seeds, a little olive oil. Did I mention that they're incredibly good? They have this hard-to-describe texture that's so, so addictive. Imagine some really delicious nuts seasoned with your favorite seasonings but in a cracker form. Mercy.

And if you happen to know someone who is on a gluten-free (or grain-free or paleo or primal), well . . . you better make two batches because you are about to become that person's new BFF.

Herbed Almond Crackers

• 2 cups almond meal
• 1/2 teaspoon sea salt
• 2 tablespoons of za'atar* or your favorite blend of herbs or spices
• 2 tablespoons sesame seeds
• 2 tablespoons water
• 1 egg white
• 1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil
• 1/4 teaspoon sesame oil
• Kosher salt for sprinkling, optional

1. Combine almond meal, salt, za'atar, and sesame seeds in a medium mixing bowl. In a small bowl, whisk together water, egg white, olive oil, and sesame oil. Pour wet ingredients into dry ingredients and stir until a stiff dough forms and all dry ingredients are moistened.
2. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Place dough between 2 sheets of parchment paper and roll out to an even thickness of about 1/8 inch. Transfer parchment-covered dough to a sheet pan and remove the top piece of parchment. Use a pizza wheel or a pastry wheel to trim the uneven edges of the dough, then cut the sheet of dough into cracker-size squares.
3. If desired, sprinkle crackers with kosher salt and place in oven. Bake at 350 degrees F for 10 minutes. Turn off oven and let crackers sit inside oven for an additional 10 minutes, until golden. Remove baking sheet from oven and let crackers cool completely before storing in an airtight plastic container.

Recipe Notes

• You can purchase almond meal (also called almond flour) or make your own. To make it, just process blanched whole or slivered almonds in a food processor until finely ground. Do not overprocess or you'll end up with almond butter.
• Za'atar* is a wonderful Middle Eastern spice blend made up of roasted thyme, sesame seeds, sumac, and salt. I purchase mine loose, from a bulk jar, at the health food store. If you purchase it prepackaged, checked the ingredient list carefully ~ some brands may include wheat flour.

• Feel free to experiment with other herbs and spices. Chili, curry, rosemary, herbes de Provence, and cumin are all good choices.

Bake Your Own Bread ~ You Can Do It!

It's true, you can! And the best part is that once you get started, it gets easier. Don't be intimidated by recipes that sound complicated or yeast disaster stories ~ we've all had mishaps and we emerge better, wiser bakers from them. Stick with it and the rewards will be enormous; there's nothing like making homemade breads and other baked goods for your family, your friends, and yourself.

Over the course of this coming year, I'll be exploring some new recipes here ~ old breads that are artisan classics as well as newer breads that employ unconventional flours and techniques. In the meantime, I've gathered a few recipes to get you started on the path to oven love.

Remember, enjoyment is everything, so relax and "lean into" the process! Have fun. Wear an apron, or don't. Smile. Bread is on its way!

Artisan Bread in 5 Minutes a Day = No excuses!
Irish Soda Bread ~ It isn't just for St. Patrick's Day!
Azerbaijani Sweet Bread ~ Like a giant cinnamon roll
Hot Dog Buns ~ or red hot rolls
Cracked Wheat Topknots ~ Delicious and pretty
Lavash Crackers

Happy Baking!